Why do we Stay too Long in Dead End Relationships? By ReneePiane
Have you ever stayed too long in a relationship with someone you dated, are married too, or with a friend that you know is not healthy for you?
After years in the dating industry, it shocks me how many people open up and admit that they’re in a relationship with someone that they care a lot about, but don’t see themselves “going the distance with this person.” When I ask how long they have been together often I hear “Well it been 6 years, 10 years or on and off for years. I always ask, “why did you stay so long?”
Many of us have been guilty of not telling the “whole truth” to people in our lives that we are afraid to hurt that want to be closer to us. If you have been dating someone for a long time (2-10 years or more) and know for sure that you will not marry this person, or that they don’t intend to marry you. You may want to split up, but you don’t want to deal with the loneliness or getting back into the singles scene. You are not telling the truth about what is happening in your relationship for fear of hurting your partner and having to start over.
They sense the situation, detect that you are not happy and may question you about committing. You avoid discussions about the future or making marriage plans by telling them you need more time. On the flip side, your partner may make excuses and you can stay stuck, unable to move on. In most cases, you’re probably filled with some fear about getting back out there. You stayed too long! This is a sure sign that it’s time to be honest and move on for the benefit of both parties. It’s time to Get Real.
I had a client say he enjoyed his girlfriend’s company and told her he was not intending on marrying her since he knew they were not a long-term match. She kept thinking the more love she gave him, that he would change his mind. He came to see me to help him craft a way to tell her without hurting her. As you can imagine she was furious since he was still sleeping with her. He did tell her he wasn’t going to marry her, but she hung in there thinking he would change. He kept waiting for the right time to bring it up, then birthdays and holidays came up and years went by. He finally took the plunge and broke up with her recently since the holidays were coming up. She kept telling him this holiday she knew he was going to ask her to get married. Yikes! How could she not have read the signs? Sex kept them together!
Is there is anyone in your life that comes to mind in your life now or in the past that you have wanted to let go? Most people stay too long because they’re afraid to be alone. The quality of the relationships doesn’t grow because one or both are not fully committed. Take an honest look at some of the relationships that you have in your life. This includes friendships, people in your social circles and partners that you date or may have married. If you know that your heart isn’t fully into it and you’re not giving your love freely, it’s time to Get Real and move on. Most often you or the other person knows the truth deep inside… right?
Often this experience leaves you feeling crappy most of the time because you’re not being honest. You know eventually you will have to tell the truth, but don’t want to face it. It’s the only way for you to be fully open to the real thing and feel free. Most often the other person knows as well but was afraid to speak up or was constantly nagging which makes it even more difficult to break up.
What can you do to let the other person know so that it doesn’t destroy them? Set up a live heart to heart conversation and be honest. Please don’t break up over a text if you have spent more than 3 months with someone and it didn’t work out. They deserve to hear it live from you.
♥ Express all the things you enjoyed about the time spent together and be laser honest. It’s never easy to break up, yet it offers an opportunity for both of you to grow and learn from the experience. Just walking away leaves many hearts broken and can create years of pain of not knowing what happened. I have helped many clients with “love scripts” to help make this awkward communication easier. Being honest and being sincere is always the best way to go. Stringing people on often hurts both people involved.
♥ Do not waste one moment in a dead-end relationship! Time is so precious, and life is too short. They will be more hurt if you allow it to go on for too much longer. You will be fooling yourself to think that your partner/friend will eventually change their mind. Your soul knows the truth. So, don’t stay too long and waste years trying to make it work. It’s time to “Get Real.” The truth will set you free!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject and share your experiences. Have a burning question? In a love “situation?” Need help with a relationship challenge? Ready to find Love? Send in your comments/questions to: Renee@ReneePiane.com or connect with me at my office at 310 827-1100. Contact me for a Free 20-minute consultation to reinvent your love life! Pick up my book to get many more insights to help you expand your heart and soul to manifest Love! It is in Kindle Audible and book form! This book could transform your heart and all of your relationships. Let me know if you buy it and I’ll send you a gift!
Heres the link:https://www.amazon.com/Get-Real-about-Love-Secrets/dp/0967896428 “GET REAL about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening Your Heart & Finding True Love
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